Wow! It’s been a long
time since I’ve posted here or had anything to write about. But I am feeling pretty good and feel like
it’s time to start writing again. So
let’s check in. The last time I wrote I
was still in the middle of my depression cycle/plateau period. In case you don’t remember, I have bipolar
disorder.
But enough about that.
I really am feeling better, and I talked to a couple of male friends of
mine tonight, and it made me think of sex.
Not that I’ve been thinking of sex much lately. It’s really weird that I have led such an
incredibly uninhibited sex life up until the last year, and now I’m going on a
year without sex. Unbelievable!
So here’s the story.
The medication I’ve been taking for my bipolar has pretty much killed my
sex drive. Nice trade off, huh? And now that I am feeling better with my new
medications, I get a new twist. The meds
are making me gain all kinds of weight.
That has just blown my self-image all to hell. I’ve always had a lot of confidence in my
appearance and sexuality, so this is new for me. I have to figure out how to feel confident in
my new body, and that’s just not happening yet.
I’m starting to see glimmers of my old sexuality back…at
least some in the distance. Do I want to
start dating, swinging, having sex? I
definitely don’t want to think that that part of my life is over. A while back, when I was feeling down, I just
knew that it would never come back. I
took down my website, unpublished my books, and even turned off all of my
online dating/sex profiles. I’m
regretting that a bit now, especially the website. I may have to work on that one again and
start it all over.
But back to the whole body image issue. What are your thoughts on that? I was skinny my whole life, and I could never
imagine weighing what I do now. But it’s
a fact, and it isn’t going anywhere thanks to the meds. I carry most of my weight in my stomach, so
that makes me very self-conscious. I
know I need to get over that and just think about enjoying sex again the way I
always have in the past. I’m still the
same person with the same skills and passions and lack of inhibitions.
So maybe the next time I write it will be to tell of one of
my adventures. Or maybe I’ll just post a
tale of one of my old adventures just to keep you reading. But keep your fingers crossed for me that I
can step out again, back into a world that kept me feeling vital and
alive. That’s the plan, anyway. Baby steps.
Hope all you sexy people are having a blast. I’m thinking about you. Enjoy the time you have, and I hope I’ll be
back out there soon.
XoXo
Tracy
