Masturbation with toys

For the record, I do like porn.  I like all types of video porn - men, women, groups - but I probably watch more girl on girl porn than anything.  So I found a nice video of two women online and rubbed my tits while watching the women on screen doing the same thing.  When one of the women moved down to lick the other one's pussy, I lowered one hand to my own.  I was wet, and my clit was so sensitive.  I continued this way with one hand on my breast and one stroking my pussy for a while.  I really can almost come from having my nipples played with.

I decided to get out one of my vibrators.  This one is pink and a little flexible, about 7" long with just a little curve in it.  I started with a low setting, just lightly stroking all around my clit with the soft buzzing, teasing myself.  Every time the vibrator would rub over me while I pinched my nipple I could feel the orgasm building.  On the computer, the women were now on top of each other, with their legs intertwined, grinding their clits against one another.  One of my favorite things.

Soon I felt the vibrator dipping further and further into my pussy.  I enjoy toys of all kinds, whether by myself or with others.  This time I decided to stay on my back and use it to fuck myself slowly, rubbing it against my clit, sliding it against my g-spot, then burying it deep inside me.  My hips were moving with the rhythm, and I closed my eyes to concentrate on the sensations.  I don't always need to be moving quickly, and this was one of those times where I just continued to stroke and squeeze until I finally gave in to a really good orgasm...the kind where you can feel the orgasm in your clit and inside your pussy at the same time.  Mmmmm.

I can have multiple orgasms sometimes, and sometimes I am completely satisfied with one.  Masturbating alone and/or with a toy is just a purely self-indulgent time.  You aren't thinking of pleasing someone else and can focus entirely on what you are feeling.  But it is only one part of a fulfilling sexual lifestyle for me.  I do enjoy being with others more because I like to give as much as I like to receive.  However, there is nothing wrong with masturbating as often as you want.  And I do believe that it is true that the more times you have sexual experiences, the more often you want them.

When I was finished I took a couple of licks of my juices from the vibrator.  I actually like the way I taste.  I encourage all women and men to taste their own come.  You may be squeamish at first, but it's yet another sense aroused and you get to know yourself just a little better.  Now it was time for sleep. 

James Version 2

At the end of the last book I talked about James and our friends with benefits relationship.  During my (mostly) time off, he was one of the few people I did see on a regular basis.  I felt comfortable with him.  We had known each other off and on for a couple of years, and I was wildly attracted to him.  He's fucking hot, and so was the sex.

We hadn't seen each other in a while but continued to talk and text.  He was in a relationship that was dying.  I wanted to see him, but after my experience with Chris, I was not going to get involved with someone who was already involved, even if it was just for sex.  It's not a moral issue for me.  I still believe the person with the commitment is responsible for maintaining that commitment, not the "other woman/man".  I just didn't want the potential for that drama in my life again.  So I would not see him while he was still involved.

When he told me the relationship was finally over and he wanted to get together, I was excited.  I always knew I was playing with fire just a bit because I did have some feelings for him.  I've almost always been pretty good at managing my emotions versus my sexual desires.  He's younger than me (38), never been married or had children.  I asked him early on if he wanted children and he said he really didn't know.  If it happened, it happened.  If it didn't, he didn't.  I, on the other hand, knew I did not want to have children in my life.  I thought we were pretty clear with each other on that topic.

We went to a movie and had a chance to talk before it started.  There was hand holding and a little kissing during the movie, with maybe a little bit of surreptitious stroking going on down below, but we pretty much just watched the video.  Driving to his house afterwards I decided to surprise him with something I knew he loved but hadn't had in a long time.  Road head.  The term is self-explanatory, but it means me sucking his cock while he was driving.  I trusted him to keep us on the road.  As soon as he realized what I was doing, he immediately opened his pants and released that gorgeous hard cock.  I sucked him and played with him the whole drive home, but I didn't let him come. 

When we got to his house he opened the door and immediately kissed me passionately before I could even take off my jacket.  James really only has one speed in sex and that is full on passion...at least with me.  We were all over each other.  Chemistry is an interesting thing.  It can vary wildly with different people but still all be good, just different.  With James it was always full out.

At first we couldn't even be bothered taking our clothes off.  James hadn't even zipped up his pants from the car to the door.  Right there in the foyer he pushed me to my knees so he could fuck my face.  He likes it a little rough, and with him I am happy to oblige.  He loves to pull my head back by my hair so I have to look at him while I'm sucking his cock.  He's very visual.  I sucked and pumped his cock hard and deep, wanting to taste him in my mouth.  After the road head he couldn't hold out for long and shot his load into my mouth which I swallowed, not letting a drop spill.

We headed to his bedroom, dropping the rest of our clothes along the stairs and ended naked by the time we reached the bed.  He pushed me onto the bed and immediately buried his face between my legs, finding me hot and soaking wet already.  Going to work with his tongue on my clit he drove two fingers into my pussy, finding my g-spot.  I wanted to hold out for as long as I could, but I just couldn't take it anymore and came so hard.  I don't think he let a drop spill, either.

Neither of us was ready to call it a night yet.  After catching our breath, we rolled onto our sides facing each other, softly stroking each other's bodies.  His kisses could leave me breathless, and I loved feeling the length of him stretched out against me.  He has such a wonderful body.  The feel of his stubble against my cheek as I nibbled on his neck and ear, the spent cock that I could feel rising back to erection against my leg, his rough, manly hands pampering my soft sking.  I physically craved this man. 

Rolling to my side facing away from him, I raised my leg so he could slide between my cheeks from behind.  The anticipation was building for me again, feeling his head at the edge of my pussy before he slid deep inside.  Wrapping his arms around me, he toyed with my nipples which immediately took me higher and made me thrust my hips back into him.  With one hand he reached down to stroke me, and I was finding it hard to breathe with the stimulation coming from every point.  We took our time, rocking together, almost like he was fucking me to sleep after the explosiveness of our coming together earlier.  The orgasm snuck up on me as I felt him harden even more inside me.  It was an airy, breathy climax, the kind you can just sink into and feel swallowed whole.

I almost never spend the night with anyone whether it be a man, woman, or couple.  But after that, James and I just snuggled up and fell right asleep.  I'm not a good sleeper, and I am not used to sharing a bed with someone.  I have to admit that it was nice, and I actually slept really well.

We started seeing each other once a week or so, and the sex was always great.  He had expressed an interest in the lifestyle but wasn't sure what he would be able to handle or not.  Up to this point our sex life had been one-on-one only.  I just wasn't sure he was ready to really branch out.  I did finally realize that I was getting a little emotionally attached and was a bit confused, so I asked him straight out what kind of relationship he wanted with me.  He said he also had feelings for me but really didn't want to get into any kind of "heavy" relationship since it hadn't been that long since his last one.  We continued our friends with benefits for a while longer.  We actually really are friends, too, not just fuck buddies.  There is a difference.

I backed off for a little while to make sure I was able to let go of my developing emotional attachment.  We continued to talk, but we didn't see each other for a while.  I wasn't going to end up getting hurt, and maybe I wasn't quite clear with myself what I wanted at that time.  I needed my space, too.

A Night With Wade

Since I'm not "playing" right now I thought you might like to read about one of my playdates from my last book.

I went to Wade's last night to spend the night.  As I mentioned, he and I rarely do more than masturbate together and since I couldn't really do much with my mouth, this was a good option.  We talked for a long time and watched part of a movie just snuggling on the couch with our clothes on.  He reached his hand down my top and started playing with my nipple.  I just let my hand lightly rub across his cock.  We laid like that for a while. 

I used my nails to lightly rake Wade's balls and thighs and dick.  It was very comfortable.  I told him about a party and after party that was coming up at a club by his house, and I think he is going to go.  I rubbed his cock harder, and we decided to take our clothes off and snuggle up under the blanket. 

He has a two piece sectional couch, but we were lying on just one side.  We have no inhibitions with each other.  We just took it nice and slow.  He played with my boobs, while I slowly stroked his cock with my fingers down the length of him to his balls.  Occasionally I would wrap my hand around him and stroke him for a while.  Neither one of us was in a hurry to come.  We just wanted to enjoy the journey.  We both love to masturbate each other and ourselves.  Just slow and sensuous.  Up and down, using my hand to stroke him, then using both hands, one at the base and one at the top.  He was getting harder and harder, so I moved a little faster.  I wasn't ready to let him come yet, so we took a little break and just stroked each other softly. 

He asked me to stand up and move to the full length mirror on the wall.  I faced the mirror, and he was on his knees behind me.  He had me stand with my legs together and inserted his cock between my calves where they touched.  He rocked back and forth, and I could see his dick going in and out between my legs while I watched in the mirror.  I hadn't done this before, and it was fun. Both the feeling and the watching.

I went outside to have a cigarette.  When I came back Wade had gotten softer, so we started again.  I stroked him and held him in my hands until he got nice and hard again.  Eventually his hips started moving while he talked about me stroking his hard on and how good it felt.  I could tell this time there would be no stopping.  I stroked faster and faster, using two hands to get a good grip.  He really likes the top of his penis to be held and stroked.  His hips were thrusting, and I could tell he was going to come as his legs were shaking.  I continued stroking him, giving him a great hand job, and he came on my hand and his stomach.  I leaned down to lick his come off of my hand and stomach, cleaning him up. 

Then it was my turn.  I laid back into him while he played with my tits, pinching and squeezing my nipples while I played with my pussy.  I masturbated for a while, stroking my clit, finger fucking myself, and tapping on my clit with my fingers.  He was telling me how hot it was watching me while he played with my breasts.  I was getting hotter and hotter, closer to coming.  Eventually I could no longer hold back and came with a loud moan, rubbing my clit which was so wet with my juices. 

We kissed a little bit then just lay back and relaxed in each other's arms.  A new movie had come on so we started watching that.  The next thing I knew I was waking up with him beside me, a little disoriented.  I hadn't actually slept with anyone in a very long time.  I fell back asleep, and when I woke he was on the other side of the couch with our heads together.  We are both early risers, so when I woke up he was already awake.  I kissed him good morning then went outside to have a morning cigarette. 

When I got back Wade had his laptop open with Chaturbate pulled up, and he was watching different women and couples. 

In my last book I explained what Chaturbate.com is, but I'll put it here again for anyone who doesn't know.  Chaturbate is a free cam website and to chaturbate is the act of watching/chatting while masturbating.  Men, women, couples, and transsexuals all perform live hoping that you will tip them with Chaturbate tokens.  I think each token is worth $.05, and I don't know what percentage of that goes to the person on camera and what percentage to the Chaturbate people.  The watcher can make requests to the performer and offer tips (tokens) for them to do what the viewer wants.  I guess you can build virtual relationships with these performers when you return to them repeatedly and tip them generously, sort of like a strip club but with live action sex shows.

I took my clothes back off and joined him on the couch.  We would watch different girls masturbating for the camera, a couple of couples who were fucking, and even one guy who was masturbating for us.  I was getting turned on, and I knew he was as I could see the bulge under the blanket.  I reached over and started stroking him through the soft blanket, feeling his cock growing harder. 

I suggested something that I knew he loved.  We put the soft blanket on the floor, covered it with a towel, put the laptop at the end of the blanket, lubed up his cock, and he laid down on his stomach.  I reached under him with one hand, stroking his hard cock while I used my other hand to reach behind and rub his balls.  He thrust down into my fist and into the towel and blanket while watching the women on the screen.  I loved watching his ass go up and down.  He really is quite the handsome specimen.  He began to move faster and raised his ass up so I would have more room for my hand.  He thrust harder and harder, and I cupped his balls from behind.  I heard him moaning for me to squeeze his dick, and I tightened my hand around him.  Just a few more strokes, and I could look underneath and see him coming on my hand and the towel beneath him.  My hand was thoroughly soaked from the lube and his come. 

We both cleaned up a little, talked a bit, and then he drove me home early this morning.  It was a nice evening and morning.  I was glad that I made it through the night without having to go home early.  It felt good to be back home in my space, though, after being gone for so long.  It was a good night.

Let's Talk About Sex!

Wow!  It’s been a long time since I’ve posted here or had anything to write about.  But I am feeling pretty good and feel like it’s time to start writing again.  So let’s check in.  The last time I wrote I was still in the middle of my depression cycle/plateau period.  In case you don’t remember, I have bipolar disorder.

But enough about that.  I really am feeling better, and I talked to a couple of male friends of mine tonight, and it made me think of sex.  Not that I’ve been thinking of sex much lately.  It’s really weird that I have led such an incredibly uninhibited sex life up until the last year, and now I’m going on a year without sex.  Unbelievable!

So here’s the story.  The medication I’ve been taking for my bipolar has pretty much killed my sex drive.  Nice trade off, huh?  And now that I am feeling better with my new medications, I get a new twist.  The meds are making me gain all kinds of weight.  That has just blown my self-image all to hell.  I’ve always had a lot of confidence in my appearance and sexuality, so this is new for me.  I have to figure out how to feel confident in my new body, and that’s just not happening yet.

I’m starting to see glimmers of my old sexuality back…at least some in the distance.  Do I want to start dating, swinging, having sex?  I definitely don’t want to think that that part of my life is over.  A while back, when I was feeling down, I just knew that it would never come back.  I took down my website, unpublished my books, and even turned off all of my online dating/sex profiles.  I’m regretting that a bit now, especially the website.  I may have to work on that one again and start it all over.

But back to the whole body image issue.  What are your thoughts on that?  I was skinny my whole life, and I could never imagine weighing what I do now.  But it’s a fact, and it isn’t going anywhere thanks to the meds.  I carry most of my weight in my stomach, so that makes me very self-conscious.  I know I need to get over that and just think about enjoying sex again the way I always have in the past.  I’m still the same person with the same skills and passions and lack of inhibitions.

So maybe the next time I write it will be to tell of one of my adventures.  Or maybe I’ll just post a tale of one of my old adventures just to keep you reading.  But keep your fingers crossed for me that I can step out again, back into a world that kept me feeling vital and alive.  That’s the plan, anyway.  Baby steps.

Hope all you sexy people are having a blast.  I’m thinking about you.  Enjoy the time you have, and I hope I’ll be back out there soon.

XoXo

Tracy

New Year, New Blog Post, New Pictures

Hi everyone!

It's hard to believe that it's 2016.  Last year was a great one in many ways.  This year has started off very differently than last year did.  As many of you know, I deal with Bipolar II disorder.  Last year at this time I was at the beginning of a hypomanic stage and was starting to swing a lot, and that continued for quite a few months.  This year I am starting off in a different place, not a depressive stage, more of an in-between phase.  That means I am neither "up" nor "down"...just sort of coasting along hoping that things take an upward turn soon.  But I'm kind of at the whim of my disorder.  I can't exactly "make" myself feel or be one way or the other.  I just work with what I have.

Anyway, I am trying to do what I can to at least take baby steps towards venturing out.  I actually was feeling a bit down on myself (kind of unattractive) so my daughter took it upon herself to set up a little makeover session with a boudoir photo shoot to make me feel a little better.  She did a good job, and I had a good time.  The new pics are on my website at www.diaryofaunicorn.com, and I've included one below.  I didn't touch them up or add filters or anything...just some backgrounds or such.  I suppose I look ok for a 51 year old.

So my next goal is to try to go to a meet and greet in a couple of weeks with a few friends of mine.  Normally at these events I would be playing around and flirting with all kinds of people, making new friends and setting up party plans with people I already know.  I'm not ready to jump back into things just yet, so as I said...baby steps.  It will be enough this time just to be social and see some old friends.

Here's to a great 2016 for all of us!  And here's to me getting my mojo back sometime this year (I hope).

Have a sexy day (and year)!

XoXo
Tracy