A Guide to Swinging Profiles and Emails - A Unicorn's Perspective

Since I am taking some time off from playing due to my daughter's upcoming wedding I thought I would just share a few things from my perspective or from my previous books.  I get asked all the time about what makes a good swinger profile or first email.  So....here's my list.  The good, the bad, the funny, and the absurd.  Hope you enjoy.

I am asked frequently what makes me respond positively to some emails/people and not others.  For me, it's a combination of things.  First of all, it's never JUST about the physical appearance.  I'm not denying that I have to find someone physically appealing in their pictures to even consider replying.  I typically will read an email first.  If I like the email, then I will look at their pictures.  If I like the pictures, I will then read their profile.  But I always do all three before I will reply.

Any or all of those things will have me considering a positive reply.  I try not to be an ass, and I do reply to most emails unless they send an obnoxious email, refuse to share their photos, or have a really bad profile.  I've tried to learn methods over the years to determine who is trying to hide things about who they are and what they want.  I don't always get it right, but through trial and error I have a pretty good sense about these things now.

I try to be open-minded about all people, but I do have a couple of standards that I try to stick with.  After some bad experiences, I usually only play with single, unattached men or women.  I love to play with couples, but I rarely play with only one person of the couple unless they are a couple I know well.  I typically keep my age range from 35-60, but that one does get crossed quite a bit, particularly on the low end.  Other than that, I'm open to meeting new people.  At house parties, events, or social gatherings, however, these standards do not really apply because the people I play with in those circumstances do not usually become steady friends or partners.

So what are the things I look for?  As for physical appearance, I am pretty open.  As long as I don't find a person completely physically unappealing, I am willing to at least move forward...maybe a bit hesitantly, but it's not a deal breaker.

But what about profiles and introductory emails?  These suggestions are for men, pretty much exclusively.  I rarely run into these issues with women or couples.  Guys, you know that the market is driven by supply and demand.  There is an overabundance of men on these sites.  You need to stand out...and not by being a dick.

Here are my suggestions in no particular order.  Maybe they only apply to me.  Hell, I'm no expert.  Just a chick who has read a lot of fucking emails and looked at a lot of fucking profiles over the years.

1.  Always post a face picture.  If you don't post a face picture then I think you have something to hide.  You may be married/attached.  You may be a troll.  Or the ever popular, "I'm in a sensitive job and don't want anyone knowing."  If I can post a face picture, so can you.  If someone you know recognizes you, guess what, THEY ARE ON THE SITE, TOO!  And if you don't post one on your profile, you better attach one to your first email.  You are not doing anything illegal or even immoral, so you must be hiding something.

2.  Do not use a picture of your dick as your primary/only photo.  I know you love him, and stroke him, and think he's the greatest.  He's your pride and joy.  Here's a clue - most women (even those as visual as I am) do not get turned on by seeing pictures of only your dick.  I want to see your face, your body, and maybe a picture of your dick, but that's a pretty low priority.  If you have a profile with 20 dick pictures and nothing else then I think you are incredibly insecure.  Oh, and THAT'S WHY YOU GET ALL THE EMAILS FROM THE GAY MEN!  Do not send unrequested dick pictures to someone you do not know.

3.  Post more than one picture.  Almost everyone can find one picture in which they look attractive.  Show who you really are.  If you are going to reach your objective of finally meeting, it's better to have at least a pretty good idea of what someone looks like so there are no surprises.  So post a few pictures.  Show pictures of you in multiple situations/locations with different expressions or different body parts highlighted.  Be fucking creative.  Close up, face pictures, full body pictures clothed and/or nude.

4.  Do not try to hide baldness with hats.  If you have a hat on in every picture, I'm going to assume you don't have hair.  Who cares?  I happen to love bald men.  I would even say it's a minor fetish with me. 

5.  Do not try to hide bad or missing teeth by not smiling.  We like to see your smile and your expressions.

6.  All pictures should be recent and actually look like you.  For example, two years ago I was extremely thin.  Due to a number of things (surgery, medication, inactivity) I gained a lot of weight.  When I went back to my profiles, I deleted all of my old pictures and replaced them with pictures that actually represent the way I look now.  I loved those old pictures.  They were fucking hot.  But they aren't who I am now, even though they are only two years old.

7.  Do not post pictures of you with your children.  I have a problem with this for a number of reasons.  First of all, as a parent I don't want pictures of my children floating around out there.  Second, once your children are grown, I don't know if that other person is your daughter, your girlfriend, your wife, your son.  Just don't do it.  If you want to share those privately after you have gotten to know someone, then go for it. 

8.  Do not post pictures of yourself with other women thinking that is going to make you look like a "catch" to other women.  It doesn't.  It looks pathetic.  Obviously this does not apply to couples or to pictures of sex play or group play.  I'm talking about those pictures of you with your hot female friend looking all lovey dovey when you present yourself as a single man.  It comes off as very desperate.

9.  Do not post a group picture as your only picture.  I would think this one would be common sense, but I see it a lot.  I have no idea which one is you, so I'm going to figure you are the least attractive one in the group.  It's fine to post group pictures, but not as your only picture.

10.  Complete the damn profile.  Yes, we read them, or at least I do.  I like to get a sense of who someone is...even if I only plan to have sex with them.  Talk about yourself.  What do you like?  Interests?  Hobbies?  Sexual preferences?  If you can, add some humor.  We like funny guys.  What are you looking for?  And be honest.  Don't fucking lie.  If I see a profile that has nothing or very little in it, I will not respond.

11.  Use correct grammar, spelling, and punctuation.  Intelligence is hot.  If you can turn on my brain you will get laid faster than the best looking guy who is as dumb as a door knob.  This goes for profiles and for emails.

12.  I know it's frustrating to send out tons of emails and get no responses.  I can't help that, and neither can you.  All you can do is try to distinguish yourself from the pack.  Don't send emails that say "Hey" or "Hi" with nothing else and expect a reply.  Do not just send your phone number and say "Text me".  Seriously, dude?  I mean, come on.  I probably get 25+ emails a day that just say "Hey", and they go straight to the trash.  Put some effort into it.  Again, humor is good.  Mentioning something that you read about me in my profile is also good because it tells me that you actually read it and didn't just look at the pictures.  Compliment me.  And that doesn't mean to send me an email that says "Hey, nice tits."  Give me a REASON to reply.  Yes, I'm a swinger.  Yes, I may be considered to be "promiscuous" by many.  But swinging in my world does not mean random one on one fucking with someone I do not know.

13.  Do not ever, ever tell a woman in an introductory email that she reminds you of your sister or mother.  Does this really need explanation?  It's stupid, it's weird, and it's just plain ick.  But I still get those emails.

14.  Do not ask a woman to suck your cock as your first sentence.  Or sit on your face. 

15.  Couples should post pictures as described above of both partners.

16.  Don't lie about your age.  That's just dumb and unnecessary.

17.  Be confident and assertive, but not an asshole.  I want to feel wanted and pursued to a certain intent...but not like a psycho stalker.  Once we have established an initial connection, make a move.  Ask me out with some specific dates in mind.  Don't just say "So when would you like to get together?"  Instead I would like to hear "I would love to have coffee with you on Friday evening.  Are you available?"  If not, I will suggest alternate dates, but please have the confidence and interest level to do some pursuing.

18.  My initial meets with men, women, or couples are almost always just coffee to see if we click on any/all levels.  Do not expect to have sex with me on the first meet.  Could it happen?  Yes.  But I don't like expectations or pressure.  This obviously does not apply to parties or events.

19.  Read my damn profile!  I tell exactly who I am and what I want.  It also says to attach a face picture.  If you do not, your email goes straight to the trash.

20.  Understand what you are looking for.  Everyone has their own definition of what swinging means to them.  In my world, cheating is not swinging.  In my world, just wanting to fuck a bunch of women randomly is not swinging.  There isn't really a right or wrong answer, just be as clear with yourself as you can be on what you are looking for, and then refer back to #19 before you email me.