The Old College Try

I live in the hub of the U.S. military, Hampton Roads, Virginia.  With multiple bases for all four branches within fifty miles, you can’t toss a rock without hitting a few sailors or soldiers.  So when I received an email from a good looking British soldier who was stationed here temporarily I decided to explore.  I’ve always been a sucker for an accent.

Micah and I met at a Starbucks.  I have found Starbucks to be the perfect place for initial meet and greets with potential fuck buddies.  Low key, no alcohol involved, and it’s easy to leave quickly if things aren’t going well.  I was seated at an outside table enjoying the sunshine.  I felt good in a cute summer dress and strappy high heels.  I arrived first.

Shortly after my arrival I saw a very tall blond man enter the Starbucks.  I was playing with my phone.  I received a text from him saying that he was there, and I texted back that he could find me outside.  As he approached I could see that he was indeed very cute in an overgrown boy sort of a way.  He was about 6’6” tall with a body that was neither lanky nor stocky but somewhere in between.

I’ve often been told that I have a British sense of humor.  Whatever that means.  I supposed it’s referencing my sarcastic, cynical, assertive side.  Micah and I definitely hit it off.  He had me laughing my ass off with his stories, and his British accent was just icing on the cake.  We stayed for a while, getting to know each other and flirting like crazy.  When I decided to leave Micah walked me to my car.

While leaning on my car Micah asked if he could ask me a very personal question.  I said, “Sure.”  I’m pretty open about anything of a sexual nature.

He said, “What is the largest cock you’ve ever had?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever really thought about that.  I guess maybe ten inches or so,” I replied.

“Well, I am very well endowed, to the point that it’s very hard for me to get laid because of it.  Does that scare you?”

I thought of my favorite TV show, Sex and the City.  In one episode Samantha meets a similarly hung man, and she loves a challenge.  She assured the man that she could handle anything.  As it turns out, she couldn’t.  I think it was the only time on the entire series that Samantha ever gave up.  My curiosity was piqued.

I playfully joked, “I’m not trying to brag, but I have yet to meet the penis that I can not handle.”

“Great,” said Micah.  “How about Friday night at my place?  I’ll have the wine and some snacks and we can get to know one another even better.”  He then pulled me against him in a passionate kiss.  I could feel the length of him against my leg and wondered what the hell I was getting myself into.

On Friday night I was both excited and nervous.  Having never really spent time with anyone from Great Britain, I was charmed by things I never knew existed, like an electric tea kettle.  Micah was a great conversationalist, but eventually we found our way to the bedroom.  Armed with a couple of glasses of wine I allowed him to undress me.  Kissing was much easier lying down given the disparity of our heights.  He seemed a bit nervous, though, at shedding his own clothes.  I made him laugh, and soon he was as naked as I was.  I had not yet looked down.

Micah pressed against me as he kissed my mouth and neck, working his way down to my breasts.  It felt really nice.  So nice that I thought I should be returning some of this pleasure.  I reached my hand down to his waist and just stopped.  Holy Shit!  He hadn’t lied.  Not only was he probably 12” long, but he was very thick.  He was the approximate length and girth of my entire arm.  Mind over matter is one thing, but I knew this was going to be anatomically impossible.  I slid down, intending to at least take him in my mouth.  That wasn’t happening.  I literally could not open my mouth wide enough to take him in.  I moved on to licking and fondling.

Eventually he asked me if I thought I could manage actual intercourse.  I figured I would give it the old college try.  I felt stretched to my limits, and he had only gotten his head in.  Finally I gave up and told him that it just wasn’t going to work.  Somehow this made me feel like I had let down my gender.  But then this was the first time I had met a man who was hung like a baseball bat. 

We fooled around quite a bit, and I gave him a hand job.  It really was a shame because he was cute and charming and very generous in bed himself.  And while I saw him a couple more times, I was never any more successful at actually doing the deed.