A Night With Wade

Since I'm not "playing" right now I thought you might like to read about one of my playdates from my last book.

I went to Wade's last night to spend the night.  As I mentioned, he and I rarely do more than masturbate together and since I couldn't really do much with my mouth, this was a good option.  We talked for a long time and watched part of a movie just snuggling on the couch with our clothes on.  He reached his hand down my top and started playing with my nipple.  I just let my hand lightly rub across his cock.  We laid like that for a while. 

I used my nails to lightly rake Wade's balls and thighs and dick.  It was very comfortable.  I told him about a party and after party that was coming up at a club by his house, and I think he is going to go.  I rubbed his cock harder, and we decided to take our clothes off and snuggle up under the blanket. 

He has a two piece sectional couch, but we were lying on just one side.  We have no inhibitions with each other.  We just took it nice and slow.  He played with my boobs, while I slowly stroked his cock with my fingers down the length of him to his balls.  Occasionally I would wrap my hand around him and stroke him for a while.  Neither one of us was in a hurry to come.  We just wanted to enjoy the journey.  We both love to masturbate each other and ourselves.  Just slow and sensuous.  Up and down, using my hand to stroke him, then using both hands, one at the base and one at the top.  He was getting harder and harder, so I moved a little faster.  I wasn't ready to let him come yet, so we took a little break and just stroked each other softly. 

He asked me to stand up and move to the full length mirror on the wall.  I faced the mirror, and he was on his knees behind me.  He had me stand with my legs together and inserted his cock between my calves where they touched.  He rocked back and forth, and I could see his dick going in and out between my legs while I watched in the mirror.  I hadn't done this before, and it was fun. Both the feeling and the watching.

I went outside to have a cigarette.  When I came back Wade had gotten softer, so we started again.  I stroked him and held him in my hands until he got nice and hard again.  Eventually his hips started moving while he talked about me stroking his hard on and how good it felt.  I could tell this time there would be no stopping.  I stroked faster and faster, using two hands to get a good grip.  He really likes the top of his penis to be held and stroked.  His hips were thrusting, and I could tell he was going to come as his legs were shaking.  I continued stroking him, giving him a great hand job, and he came on my hand and his stomach.  I leaned down to lick his come off of my hand and stomach, cleaning him up. 

Then it was my turn.  I laid back into him while he played with my tits, pinching and squeezing my nipples while I played with my pussy.  I masturbated for a while, stroking my clit, finger fucking myself, and tapping on my clit with my fingers.  He was telling me how hot it was watching me while he played with my breasts.  I was getting hotter and hotter, closer to coming.  Eventually I could no longer hold back and came with a loud moan, rubbing my clit which was so wet with my juices. 

We kissed a little bit then just lay back and relaxed in each other's arms.  A new movie had come on so we started watching that.  The next thing I knew I was waking up with him beside me, a little disoriented.  I hadn't actually slept with anyone in a very long time.  I fell back asleep, and when I woke he was on the other side of the couch with our heads together.  We are both early risers, so when I woke up he was already awake.  I kissed him good morning then went outside to have a morning cigarette. 

When I got back Wade had his laptop open with Chaturbate pulled up, and he was watching different women and couples. 

In my last book I explained what Chaturbate.com is, but I'll put it here again for anyone who doesn't know.  Chaturbate is a free cam website and to chaturbate is the act of watching/chatting while masturbating.  Men, women, couples, and transsexuals all perform live hoping that you will tip them with Chaturbate tokens.  I think each token is worth $.05, and I don't know what percentage of that goes to the person on camera and what percentage to the Chaturbate people.  The watcher can make requests to the performer and offer tips (tokens) for them to do what the viewer wants.  I guess you can build virtual relationships with these performers when you return to them repeatedly and tip them generously, sort of like a strip club but with live action sex shows.

I took my clothes back off and joined him on the couch.  We would watch different girls masturbating for the camera, a couple of couples who were fucking, and even one guy who was masturbating for us.  I was getting turned on, and I knew he was as I could see the bulge under the blanket.  I reached over and started stroking him through the soft blanket, feeling his cock growing harder. 

I suggested something that I knew he loved.  We put the soft blanket on the floor, covered it with a towel, put the laptop at the end of the blanket, lubed up his cock, and he laid down on his stomach.  I reached under him with one hand, stroking his hard cock while I used my other hand to reach behind and rub his balls.  He thrust down into my fist and into the towel and blanket while watching the women on the screen.  I loved watching his ass go up and down.  He really is quite the handsome specimen.  He began to move faster and raised his ass up so I would have more room for my hand.  He thrust harder and harder, and I cupped his balls from behind.  I heard him moaning for me to squeeze his dick, and I tightened my hand around him.  Just a few more strokes, and I could look underneath and see him coming on my hand and the towel beneath him.  My hand was thoroughly soaked from the lube and his come. 

We both cleaned up a little, talked a bit, and then he drove me home early this morning.  It was a nice evening and morning.  I was glad that I made it through the night without having to go home early.  It felt good to be back home in my space, though, after being gone for so long.  It was a good night.

Let's Talk About Sex!

Wow!  It’s been a long time since I’ve posted here or had anything to write about.  But I am feeling pretty good and feel like it’s time to start writing again.  So let’s check in.  The last time I wrote I was still in the middle of my depression cycle/plateau period.  In case you don’t remember, I have bipolar disorder.

But enough about that.  I really am feeling better, and I talked to a couple of male friends of mine tonight, and it made me think of sex.  Not that I’ve been thinking of sex much lately.  It’s really weird that I have led such an incredibly uninhibited sex life up until the last year, and now I’m going on a year without sex.  Unbelievable!

So here’s the story.  The medication I’ve been taking for my bipolar has pretty much killed my sex drive.  Nice trade off, huh?  And now that I am feeling better with my new medications, I get a new twist.  The meds are making me gain all kinds of weight.  That has just blown my self-image all to hell.  I’ve always had a lot of confidence in my appearance and sexuality, so this is new for me.  I have to figure out how to feel confident in my new body, and that’s just not happening yet.

I’m starting to see glimmers of my old sexuality back…at least some in the distance.  Do I want to start dating, swinging, having sex?  I definitely don’t want to think that that part of my life is over.  A while back, when I was feeling down, I just knew that it would never come back.  I took down my website, unpublished my books, and even turned off all of my online dating/sex profiles.  I’m regretting that a bit now, especially the website.  I may have to work on that one again and start it all over.

But back to the whole body image issue.  What are your thoughts on that?  I was skinny my whole life, and I could never imagine weighing what I do now.  But it’s a fact, and it isn’t going anywhere thanks to the meds.  I carry most of my weight in my stomach, so that makes me very self-conscious.  I know I need to get over that and just think about enjoying sex again the way I always have in the past.  I’m still the same person with the same skills and passions and lack of inhibitions.

So maybe the next time I write it will be to tell of one of my adventures.  Or maybe I’ll just post a tale of one of my old adventures just to keep you reading.  But keep your fingers crossed for me that I can step out again, back into a world that kept me feeling vital and alive.  That’s the plan, anyway.  Baby steps.

Hope all you sexy people are having a blast.  I’m thinking about you.  Enjoy the time you have, and I hope I’ll be back out there soon.

XoXo

Tracy

New Year, New Blog Post, New Pictures

Hi everyone!

It's hard to believe that it's 2016.  Last year was a great one in many ways.  This year has started off very differently than last year did.  As many of you know, I deal with Bipolar II disorder.  Last year at this time I was at the beginning of a hypomanic stage and was starting to swing a lot, and that continued for quite a few months.  This year I am starting off in a different place, not a depressive stage, more of an in-between phase.  That means I am neither "up" nor "down"...just sort of coasting along hoping that things take an upward turn soon.  But I'm kind of at the whim of my disorder.  I can't exactly "make" myself feel or be one way or the other.  I just work with what I have.

Anyway, I am trying to do what I can to at least take baby steps towards venturing out.  I actually was feeling a bit down on myself (kind of unattractive) so my daughter took it upon herself to set up a little makeover session with a boudoir photo shoot to make me feel a little better.  She did a good job, and I had a good time.  The new pics are on my website at www.diaryofaunicorn.com, and I've included one below.  I didn't touch them up or add filters or anything...just some backgrounds or such.  I suppose I look ok for a 51 year old.

So my next goal is to try to go to a meet and greet in a couple of weeks with a few friends of mine.  Normally at these events I would be playing around and flirting with all kinds of people, making new friends and setting up party plans with people I already know.  I'm not ready to jump back into things just yet, so as I said...baby steps.  It will be enough this time just to be social and see some old friends.

Here's to a great 2016 for all of us!  And here's to me getting my mojo back sometime this year (I hope).

Have a sexy day (and year)!

XoXo
Tracy

That's Just Not My Thing...Ever

I am a bit jaded and cynical, but I can still be surprised.  I got an email from a woman named Melissa.  She seemed attractive and interesting at first glance.  After emailing back and forth I got an email that said, “How kinky are you?”

I think I’m a little kinky but not too weird, so I said, “I would say that I am pretty kinky, usually up for trying anything in bed.

Well, she replied with an email containing a picture of her having sex with her fucking dog!  OMG!  I mean, actual sex.  She also had pictures of the dog licking her pussy.  And in the email she also detailed how she liked to have sex with her brother and mother.  I quickly sent a reply saying I was not interested and for her to not contact me again.  I guess next time someone asks me about being kinky I will say that I am really not kinky at all.  That’s not kinky.  That’s just sick.

What do you all think?  Kinky or just plain weird and disgusting?  Definitely out of the realm of possibilities for me.  

What Happens When A Unicorn Hits A Slump?

If you have followed my blog or my website and facebook page, you are probably wondering why there isn't much new going on.  Well, to be honest, I am in a slump.  You probably already know that I am bipolar, and I have been in a depressive episode for about 3 months now.  It fucking sucks!  That means that I haven't been going out or having sex, and my newer medications have even decreased my sex drive.  As someone who has always had an extremely high sex drive, I don't exactly know what to do about it.

I do continue to post a sexy blog now and then.  They aren't stories that are immediately happening, but they are true stories from the past couple of years.  Some of them can be found in more detail in my books, but some are different.

Anyway, I just thought you might like an explanation of what is going on.  Keep your fingers crossed that I get my self together before too long.  It really does suck.

Have a sexy day!

XoXo
Tracy

The Email I Should Have Written

Hi sexy people!  If you read my first book, Diary of a Unicorn: The Swinging Lifestyle (available on amazon.com under Tracy Gavin) you already know that I had a man completely fuck me over.  I was hurt, resentful, and mad as hell when I wrote the book.

Recently I have reflected on the things I did in that relationship and reread journals of our time spent together.  What did I find?  He was not the only one who was an asshole; I was, too.  Although everything I wrote was 100% true, maybe I left out many of the good parts of our relationship and only talked about the bad times.  And there were many good times, as well.

If I were still in contact with this man, I would send him a letter, because I have never forgotten him, and a part of me will always love him.  It may be wrong, and he and I will never be friends or have any type of relationship or contact, but I thought I would write here about the email I should have sent him long ago and never did.  Here it is:

Hi - I know it's been a long time, and I don't have anything bad to say at all.  This weekend I was reading through my personal journal (not a book), and I had copied and pasted so many of our IM conversations along with my thoughts over the two years we were together.  It brought back so many memories, both good and bad.  Mostly what I wondered was how could it go so wrong?

What we had was a once in a lifetime thing, at least for me.  I never lied to you about loving you forever and never being able to get over you.  I do, and I haven't.  I'm sure you have moved on and forgotten that I even exist, and I don't blame you.  But maybe you look back on our time together with some loving thoughts like I do.  I know I have never been closer to anyone in my life than I was to you.  And I did many things wrong, but I hope I did at least some of them right.

My life has never been the same without you in it, and it never will be.  When I told you that I was speaking the truth.  In rereading our conversations I tried to come to terms with the lies you told me, and I think I did that.  I also read hours upon hours of conversations of love and hope on both of our parts, I hope.  That was the last time I was truly happy.  In 2012 and 2013 when I was with you.  I certainly wasn't before, and I doubt I ever will be again.

Maybe I'm trying to say I'm sorry for my part in your pain and unhappiness, maybe I'm just being nostalgic and reminiscing, but reading those journal entries of mine and our conversations made me remember the love that I thought you felt for me.  The thought that anyone could love me as much as I thought you did was a true miracle to me.

I do hope you are happy, at least happier than I have been.  I hope your life is on track and maybe you have found it in your heart to forgive me for my part in the things that blew up our relationship.  When I said what I felt for you was a forever kind of love that would never die, no matter what, I was telling the truth.  I know there is no way for us to ever have any kind of relationship or friendship, but I do want to thank you.  Thank you for being there when I desperately needed someone.  Thank you for teaching me that I really could love and have hope.  Thank you for everything you did for me.

I don't know if you will ever read this.  I wrote this because I needed to, after all the pain and heartache...just to remind myself that those feelings for you were real, and they still are.  Like I said, a once in a lifetime thing for me.  I just wanted you to know how I felt and feel.

Please be happy, my forever love

Trace

Of course I never sent the email because I don't ever want to intrude on his life again.  But I just thought I would put this out in the universe because he wasn't the only one to blame.  I know this is different from my usual sexy posts, but today I felt the need to write something a little more heartfelt.

I hope you all have a sexy day!

XoXo

Tracy

How NOT To Swing With A Unicorn

The only real noteworthy event that comes to mind in September is a couple from the Eastern Shore of Virginia, Dee and George.  The Eastern Shore is very pretty but also comprised of very small towns, isolated, and probably not much of a swinging life.  Dee and George sought me out on AFF as they were coming to Virginia Beach for a weekend and wanted another woman to join them.

We had many conversations and YIM chats and videos, so I felt pretty comfortable with what I was getting into.  They seemed like great people.  A little bit inexperienced but really genuine.

The night did not turn out as expected.  I met them at their hotel in Virginia Beach Town Center.  They had a Jacuzzi room.  George wanted Dee and me to get in the Jacuzzi while he watched.  Dee was a little timid, and I really didn’t want to get into the Jacuzzi yet.  I had just done my hair and makeup because they had said they wanted to go out, but I played along and spent a little time with Dee in the Jacuzzi, making out slowly so she would get more comfortable.  George, however, seemed fixated on his laptop.  I have no idea what he was doing.  Maybe watching porn or IMing with people.  But he really didn’t look up often.

Soon it was time to go.  Time to go?  I wasn’t aware we had any particular plans but decided to play along.  Apparently their big thing was to go to the comedy club that was just a block or so from the hotel.  I am not a big fan of comedy clubs.  I have a weird sense of humor and just don’t usually find the comedians funny.  But I had agreed to spend time with them.

Ugh.  They insisted on getting to the club an hour before the doors opened so we would get good seats in a seat yourself room.  I was not happy standing in line on an unseasonably chilly evening in 4” heels.  I was even less happy when we got to the ticket counter and George asked me for money for my ticket.  WTF??!!

The etiquette of swinging is not that different than the etiquette of regular dating.  They had asked me to be their guest for the night.  I agreed.  Then they insisted I pay for my ticket.  Once seated I soon realized they also intended for me to pay for my own dinner and drinks.  I stayed through the show and walked back to the hotel with them, but then I split.  I told them this just wasn’t working for me.  It was quite a bummer because I had really been looking forward to the night.

While the lifestyle has provided me with many, many nights of fun, there is the occasional dud to remind you to keep it real.