I am asked
frequently what makes me respond positively to some emails/people and not
others. For me, it's a combination of
things. First of all, it's never JUST
about the physical appearance. I'm not denying
that I have to find someone physically appealing in their pictures to even
consider replying. I typically will read
an email first. If I like the email,
then I will look at their pictures. If I
like the pictures, I will then read their profile. But I always do all three before I will
reply.
Any or all
of those things will have me considering a positive reply. I try not to be an ass, and I do reply to
most emails unless they send an obnoxious email, refuse to share their photos,
or have a really bad profile. I've tried
to learn methods over the years to determine who is trying to hide things about
who they are and what they want. I don't
always get it right, but through trial and error I have a pretty good sense
about these things now.
I try to be
open-minded about all people, but I do have a couple of standards that I try to
stick with. After some bad experiences,
I usually only play with single, unattached men or women. I love to play with couples, but I rarely
play with only one person of the couple unless they are a couple I know well. I typically keep my age range from 35-60, but
that one does get crossed quite a bit, particularly on the low end. Other than that, I'm open to meeting new
people. At house parties, events, or
social gatherings, however, these standards do not really apply because the
people I play with in those circumstances do not usually become steady friends
or partners.
So what are
the things I look for? As for physical
appearance, I am pretty open. As long as
I don't find a person completely physically unappealing, I am willing to at
least move forward...maybe a bit hesitantly, but it's not a deal breaker.
But what
about profiles and introductory emails?
These suggestions are for men, pretty much exclusively. I rarely run into these issues with women or
couples. Guys, you know that the market
is driven by supply and demand. There is
an overabundance of men on these sites.
You need to stand out...and not by being a dick.
Here are my
suggestions in no particular order.
Maybe they only apply to me.
Hell, I'm no expert. Just a chick
who has read a lot of fucking emails and looked at a lot of fucking profiles
over the years.
1. Always post a face picture. If you don't post a face picture then I think
you have something to hide. You may be
married/attached. You may be a
troll. Or the ever popular, "I'm in
a sensitive job and don't want anyone knowing." If I can post a face picture, so can
you. If someone you know recognizes you,
guess what, THEY ARE ON THE SITE, TOO!
And if you don't post one on your profile, you better attach one to your
first email. You are not doing anything
illegal or even immoral, so you must be hiding something.
2. Do not use a picture of your dick as your
primary/only photo. I know you love him,
and stroke him, and think he's the greatest.
He's your pride and joy. Here's a
clue - most women (even those as visual as I am) do not get turned on by seeing
pictures of only your dick. I want to
see your face, your body, and maybe a picture of your dick, but that's a pretty
low priority. If you have a profile with
20 dick pictures and nothing else then I think you are incredibly
insecure. Oh, and THAT'S WHY YOU GET ALL
THE EMAILS FROM THE GAY MEN! Do not send
unrequested dick pictures to someone you do not know.
3. Post more than one picture. Almost everyone can find one picture in which
they look attractive. Show who you
really are. If you are going to reach
your objective of finally meeting, it's better to have at least a pretty good
idea of what someone looks like so there are no surprises. So post a few pictures. Show pictures of you in multiple
situations/locations with different expressions or different body parts
highlighted. Be fucking creative. Close up, face pictures, full body pictures
clothed and/or nude.
4. Do not try to hide baldness with hats. If you have a hat on in every picture, I'm
going to assume you don't have hair. Who
cares? I happen to love bald men. I would even say it's a minor fetish with me.
5. Do not try to hide bad or missing teeth by
not smiling. We like to see your smile
and your expressions.
6. All pictures should be recent and actually
look like you. For example, two years
ago I was extremely thin. Due to a
number of things (surgery, medication, inactivity) I gained a lot of weight. When I went back to my profiles, I deleted
all of my old pictures and replaced them with pictures that actually represent
the way I look now. I loved those old
pictures. They were fucking hot. But they aren't who I am now, even though
they are only two years old.
7. Do not post pictures of you with your
children. I have a problem with this for
a number of reasons. First of all, as a
parent I don't want pictures of my children floating around out there. Second, once your children are grown, I don't
know if that other person is your daughter, your girlfriend, your wife, your
son. Just don't do it. If you want to share those privately after
you have gotten to know someone, then go for it.
8. Do not post pictures of yourself with other
women thinking that is going to make you look like a "catch" to other
women. It doesn't. It looks pathetic. Obviously this does not apply to couples or
to pictures of sex play or group play.
I'm talking about those pictures of you with your hot female friend
looking all lovey dovey when you present yourself as a single man. It comes off as very desperate.
9. Do not post a group picture as your only
picture. I would think this one would be
common sense, but I see it a lot. I have
no idea which one is you, so I'm going to figure you are the least attractive
one in the group. It's fine to post
group pictures, but not as your only picture.
10. Complete the damn profile. Yes, we read them, or at least I do. I like to get a sense of who someone
is...even if I only plan to have sex with them.
Talk about yourself. What do you
like? Interests? Hobbies?
Sexual preferences? If you can,
add some humor. We like funny guys. What are you looking for? And be honest. Don't fucking lie. If I see a profile that has nothing or very
little in it, I will not respond.
11. Use correct grammar, spelling, and
punctuation. Intelligence is hot. If you can turn on my brain you will get laid
faster than the best looking guy who is as dumb as a door knob. This goes for profiles and for emails.
12. I know it's frustrating to send out tons of
emails and get no responses. I can't
help that, and neither can you. All you
can do is try to distinguish yourself from the pack. Don't send emails that say "Hey" or
"Hi" with nothing else and expect a reply. Do not just send your phone number and say
"Text me". Seriously,
dude? I mean, come on. I probably get 25+ emails a day that just say
"Hey", and they go straight to the trash. Put some effort into it. Again, humor is good. Mentioning something that you read about me
in my profile is also good because it tells me that you actually read it and
didn't just look at the pictures.
Compliment me. And that doesn't
mean to send me an email that says "Hey, nice tits." Give me a REASON to reply. Yes, I'm a swinger. Yes, I may be considered to be "promiscuous"
by many. But swinging in my world does
not mean random one on one fucking with someone I do not know.
13. Do not ever, ever tell a woman in an
introductory email that she reminds you of your sister or mother. Does this really need explanation? It's stupid, it's weird, and it's just plain
ick. But I still get those emails.
14. Do not ask a woman to suck your cock as your
first sentence. Or sit on your
face.
15. Couples should post pictures as described
above of both partners.
16. Don't lie about your age. That's just dumb and unnecessary.
17. Be confident and assertive, but not an
asshole. I want to feel wanted and
pursued to a certain intent...but not like a psycho stalker. Once we have established an initial
connection, make a move. Ask me out with
some specific dates in mind. Don't just
say "So when would you like to get together?" Instead I would like to hear "I would
love to have coffee with you on Friday evening.
Are you available?" If not,
I will suggest alternate dates, but please have the confidence and interest
level to do some pursuing.
18. My initial meets with men, women, or couples
are almost always just coffee to see if we click on any/all levels. Do not expect to have sex with me on the
first meet. Could it happen? Yes.
But I don't like expectations or pressure. This obviously does not apply to parties or
events.
19. Read my damn profile! I tell exactly who I am and what I want. It also says to attach a face picture. If you do not, your email goes straight to the
trash.
20. Understand what you are looking for. Everyone has their own definition of what
swinging means to them. In my world,
cheating is not swinging. In my world,
just wanting to fuck a bunch of women randomly is not swinging. There isn't really a right or wrong answer,
just be as clear with yourself as you can be on what you are looking for, and
then refer back to #19 before you email me.
